Hi, Reader!

Application season stress is real. Are you feeling it?

Luckily, with thoughtful support, parents and students can navigate the pressure without turning the whole household into a stress vortex. (And I'm speaking not just as an essay coach but also as someone who has come through the other side of college admissions with her own two kids.)

Here are some tips you might want to keep in mind as application season draws near.

For Students

Here’s a truth you might already know (or may have already experienced): The more people you ask for feedback on your essay, the more overwhelmed you may end up feeling. Not because people don’t have good intentions (they do!), but because you’ll likely get 12 different opinions from 12 different people on a sentence you spent two hours writing. (Don’t believe me? Check out the College Essay Guy’s take on the matter here.)

So be strategic. Ask yourself:

– What kind of feedback do I actually want?
– Is the person I'm asking a good match for that kind of feedback?
– Am I ready to hear it and incorporate it right now, or do I need to be at a different point in the process?

And once you decide these things, feel free to be really clear with that person on what you want them to do and what feedback you’re looking for. (Like: “I want you to review for typos only.” “I want to convey leadership and empathy in this essay. Does that come through?”)

It’s also good to remember that at some point, there are diminishing returns on edits. If you’ve rewritten your opening paragraph more times than you've worn your favorite concert t-shirt this summer (tips for opening an essay here, BTW), it might be time to hit “pause” and consider whether the essay is already doing what it needs to do. Sometimes a solid, clear (but not flawless) essay is better than a tortured masterpiece, and agonizing over small word choices may not be the best use of your time and energy ... and probably isn’t going to move the needle on your essay quality.

Whew. Deep breath there.

For Parents

Trust me: I know you want to be involved, and there’s good reason to have your hand in this. You want to make sure everything is done correctly and on time. And you want to give your student their best chance at their top school(s).

So what’s the best way to support your student? Here are a few ideas:

• Be available — but not everywhere. Instead of reading every draft with a red pen, try asking questions like:
  – What are you trying to show about yourself in this essay?
  ​ – Is there a part you're unsure about that I could give feedback on?
  ​
  ​Remember: We want these essays to sound like a 17-year-old wrote them. Not a well-intentioned parent (or essay coach, for that matter).
• Let them lead. When students feel heard and respected, they're more likely to ask for help in meaningful ways.

A few more tips:

• Break it down. Help your student organize their work into smaller weekly goals. A visual calendar or timeline can make things feel way more manageable. (Check out my essay tracker to manage those supplemental essays.)​
• Carve out “no college talk” time. Whether it's movie night or family dinner, make space where the Common App isn’t always the third wheel.
• Model perspective. Yes, college matters. No, the college they attend probably won't define their entire future. Keep reminding them (and yourself) that there are many great-fit schools and many paths to a meaningful life.
• Know the signs of unproductive stress. Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, withdrawing from things they love, or getting stuck in a perfectionist loop — these are all signs your student may need extra support.
• Check your own anxiety. It’s totally normal to feel nervous! But your calm is contagious. If you’re panicking about timelines or test scores, they will, too.

While there’s not much I can do or say to make the process stress-free — that’s not realistic — I can help parents and students develop healthy ways to manage stress and self-advocate. Those skills will matter long after the “submit” button is clicked.

You’ve got this!

Julia

P.S. Are in the Montgomery area and do you want to knock out your Activities List, Additional Information section, and some other pieces of the Common App in one sitting? Register for my workshop on Aug. 6!​

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